one fatty for another...

Me: Hey kids do you know why we don’t have school on Friday?
Kids: no?
Me: It’s Buddha’s Birthday!
Kids: Is that your girlfriend?
Me: no
Kids: (slight hesitation) your boyfriend?
Me: What! No! I don’t have a, wha
Kids: Is Buddha your girlfriend?
Me: NO, he…, um… Buddha is a prince
Kids: ah ha ~!~ (lightbulb moment)
Kids: So it’s not your girlfriend or boyfriend?? (the lightbulb didn’t stay on very long)

Early Friday morning I slid out of bed, and into a shower. I don’t like mornings, I don’t possess the ability to function properly (although i’m hardly unique in that regards). I strolled from the bed into the shower, threw on my clothes from the night before, and ventured out into the sunlight. The reason for my early morning entrance into the world was in preparation for my first exit of Seoul.

I was booked on a bus to Sokcho, the northern most coastal city on the East coast of South Korea. The bus was a luxurious ride through the mountains, and illegally through offramps and onramps. The ride was so good it took about 5 hours to complete the usual 3 hour journey (traffic may have also contributed). Meh. I didn’t care, this bus made a greyhound look like horse drawn carriage.

*Interesting Fact* The city of Sokcho belonged to North Korea until the end of the war in 1953. I wasn’t aware of this until my last day, but hey! I found out, and I think that it kinda breaks my promise to my grandparents. I will remain steadfast on the other, I do have some duty and honor.

There is a beach in Sokcho, and that was my first destination upon arrival. Oh wait, no it wasn’t, it was E-mart. Don’t worry I bailed on the commercial shopping experience, and went straight for the beach. I chilled, I Frisbee-d. I gawked at almost every boat that sped past the shore. The boats were not particularly that nice. They were all whizzing by 20ft offshore, perfect distance to puree some child.

The boats disappeared at night and were replaced by a different threat. The beaches were loaded with Korean’s and Waygook’s drunkenly launching roman candles over the water, and each other. I can hardly provide negative comments here, I joined them (yet I aimed over the water, not people). My mother would be proud; I could hear her voice in my head scolding me, telling me how stupid it is to hold a live firecracker in my hand. I held the lighter a little further away when I lit the fuse. I humped 16,000.00\ of fireworks into the Sea of Japan over the two nights I spent there (about $15).

I spent the rest of my time in awe of the fireworks and the carnage that ensued underneath their short arcs into the sky. People were firing them off anywhere they damn well pleased. Drunk people aiming fireworks into the sky is not a smart idea. I’ll give one example, when you are drunk you think it’s a good idea to attempt to pee your name in the snow or sand (whatever is available). The end result is usually gibberish and piss on your feet. I hope you see where things are going here. Fireworks were launched in just about every direction, including other groups of people and children. It was a battle zone of sorts. I’d imagine these firecrackers have more firepower than the majority of North Korean army, I hope this creates an interesting scene in your mind

Sokcho is also a city closes to the first ever national park in Korea. Soraksan National Park, the original plan was to hike this mountainous park on Saturday. However, our sleeping arrangement on Friday night prevented this from occurring. 1:30am is not the best time to attempt to find accommodations, especially on a long weekend. I ended up curling up fetal position on a hard floor without pillows or a blanket in a jimjabang. I was occasionally woken up by naked Koreans attempting to get their clothes from their locker, which I was blocking. I’d have to put that sleep into the top 5 worst sleeps of my life.

My journey back to Seoul was pretty straight forward. Ha, that’s a lie, I felt car sick. The bus winded it way up and down the mountain passes. I’ve never been remotely close to getting carsick, yet I was taking deep breaths to calm myself down. The 3 hour bus ride did actually end up taking three hours, this was a pleasant surprise. My lungs threw me a party when we arrived in Seoul, I could feel them constrict. Kind of like a welcome home bear hug!

Canadian porn...

There is a point in life when you get tired of updates, and when you reach that point you just want to see things for yourself. Well the past three years i've lived off of updates on the NHL playoffs. I would follow the playoff race via boxscore windows on my computer, and occasionally the office computer (sue me.. whatever). For the case of malaysia i would listen to the live play by play on the computer (while supposed to be working). I would sit down and find the web feeds of the audio. I'm strange, yet that fact almost landed me a hockey dream job.

Well i got tired of all that, i got tired of living life behind. Streaming video seemed to be the answer. It took me the better part of a day to find a site that regularly worked for streaming hockey video, and not just any stream. CBC, The holy grail of hockey broadcasts. Versus does a good job, but CBC makes Versus look like a bunch of amateurs screwing girls in a van (the porn analogy at work, ANYWHO).

The day i found this site i had two games streaming AT the same time on my screen.. i was simply in heaven, giddy like a 5 year old child, i felt a massive sense of completion. I really don't need anything else now, i can watch the hockey games live before i go to work. I get my fix, i'm a satisfied junkie.

My excitement for hockey has been forced into a corner. It has become the little dirty thing i do behind closed doors. For the most part my coworkers could care less about Hockey. At first i would constantly attempt to start conversations based around my addiction. I've settled with simply spurting out results as we eat lunch. It probably falls upon deaf ears, who cares, i'm entertained.

I really don't mind the comparison to porn. This year's playoffs have provided me with a ton of 30 second clips to loop, and supplied me with enough pleasure and glee to have me jumping around my apartment.

Rabbit Teacher pt.II

It's been a while since i wrote about my kids. I've become quite comfortable with my classes, and my kids have become quite comfortable with me. I think this is a good thing. This has created some more interesting moments.

My kids really don't like it when i wear my glasses to school. One class says i look about 90 years old, and they call me grandpa the entire class. I had an interesting conversation with one of my other classes.


(i enter the class)
Girls gasp!
Amy: Sean teacher why you wearing glasses?
Me: Because i can't see without them
Amy: Well you are ugly, and your hair is ulgy, so you are ugly ugly teacher.

(next day i walk in without the classes)
Me: Amy is this more acceptable?
Amy: Yes, its better, but you are still ugly teacher... just not as ugly teacher..


One of my girls acts likes a hamster, its rediculous. She LOVES hamsters, including her own. which is dead. This is a chat i've had with her a couple of times. Larry is the perfect peanut gallery. he only talks when he needs to, and throws out relevant comments.

Sean: (Directions given) okay guys start writing..
Grace: (Hand up) Can i write about my hamster?
Sean: Why do you always want to write about your hamster?
Grace: Because i love my hamster.
Sean: But your hamster is dead.
Grace: I know.
Larry: You killed your hamster.
Sean: Did you actually kill your hamster?
Grace:(sheepishly) hmmm..

(grace goes quiet for about 5 seconds)
Grace: So can i write about my hamster?
Sean: (sigh) fine...

rabbit teacher meets his match

Every now and then the school throws these open classes. It is similar to parent teacher interviews, except they parents don't really speak english, so they watch you teach their children in a language they don't really understand. *shrug*

This can be extremely stressful. The school only runs open classes on certain courses. Treasures happens to be one of those courses. I find it pretty fantastic, okay actually thats a lie, just over a month into teaching and i'm thrown into the fire. I got nervous enough being observed by my boss, let alone my students parents.

I'd like to quantify my nervousness though. I love presenting, i really love it, i like to think at times that i'm really good in front of people. I have problems with things i can't control. I know i can handle the pressure, i know that i can do just about anything in front of people (WOW!!! that sounds cocky). Yet i feel if i have that mindset i can do just about anything. My problem is that i can't control how my kids are going to react. I can teach up a storm, i can chat your ear off. How you react and respond to that is something i can't control, only pursuade. I was not being judged on my ability to stand and shine, i was being observed to see how i can teach the information, how i get those fragile little minds to actually see my wavelength and catch it..

My lesson was on prairie dogs, yes gophers!.. The cute little rodents that eat my mothers potatoes, and the same ones that my dad snipes from the deck. Okay he doesn't snipe them. my father is a seasoned killer, i swear there are stories about him in the gopher world, legends and myths about the house with the peaked roof. Every year he kills more, sadly (for the gophers) he is becoming more efficient and his range is improving. All i had to do was to remember NOT to tell the kids this information, or that i would swerve my car to hit the cute cuddly little creatures.

My class is also amazing. The kids are pretty simply stunning (texas with a $ sign), they are smart, they are cute, and they sometimes speak in robotic voices.. HOW could i fail?..

i can't tie a tie!

The other guys that preceeded me in teaching an open class both showed up open class day decked out to the nines. I think we should force stephen to teach the last open classes. ZZ Top wrote a song about the guy for heaven's sake. (sharp dressed man.. for those of you who aren't musically literate)

For some reason i decided to bring every tie i own (three if you are wondering). I've never actually tied any of them myself,and i undid all the knots when i packed them. I'm not smart, i'm aware of this. SO the morning of the open class i spent most of my time convinced that a properly tied tie will illuminate my students and force them to act accordingly. How did i solve this problem? I googled it! 'how to tie a tie'. 3 websites 4 failed attempts and numerous curse words later, i finally got it! I tied my first EVER tie. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but i tied the shit outta that tie.

With my newfound confidence i walked in and killed the open class. I had those kids at hello, they hung onto and responded to almost every word. They performed eerily like the robotic voices they sometimes throw my direction.

I swear it was the tie, i have no evidence to the support the contrary. That was like the 'knot' in the 'tie'. I could have done anything in that tie, conquered the normans, anything, you name it!. And i did, i untied it, and i've got two more open classes in may..

dumbass!

twenty 5 all year..

For some reason i got it into my head that 25 is a big birthday. i have no idea why, but this concept that 25 is a major birthday hit me at some point when i was 24. It wasn't for partying reasons (for the most part i was tame when i was 24).. or any reason that would land me a better present from people. Although geiko is lowering my car insurance for the car i no longer possess without actually even switching to them!

In fact is that i'm not even a huge birthday person. Last year my birthday was small, and besides a whale sighting, really low key. I'm not huge on having the spotlight solely on me, hard to believe for some, but i can be pretty humble. Yet i still had this idea that 25 should be big.

Many ideas were tossed around in the weeks leading up to my birthday. I wanted to go somewhere new, at an area of seoul i'd never ventured to before. This place called Monkey Beach seemed to be the right fit. It's a thai beach themed bar in Apgujung, complete with buckets of booze. I figured why not, whats the harm, i said that compeletly dismissing the horror stories i'd heard about the place.

The weekend started extremely odd. Gillian, perhaps one of my best friends in korea, was sidelined with a random attack of bladder stones. I celebrated my birthday on the 10th, the day happened to be a saturday, NOT my actual birthday. I really don't know why i included that in here, i mean it only makes sense, why party on a sunday when you can party harder on a saturday. Yet a co-worker told me you can't party on a day thats not your actual birthday (i think it was an excuse not to come out, they didn't). The way it was mentioned to me though, like its an asinine concept, partying on a day thats not your birthday, i mean in that case you could invent make up birthday party days, like everyone getting older on new years, shit like that. OH......wait the koreans do that, (i am really starting to wonder how i didn't know they drink a lot here??) Even jesus is always born on the same day! he just dies on different days every year..

off topic i know, ANYWHO. The night progressed pretty swimgingly at first. i was dancing on tables, it was the first time i'd had rum since entering Korea. I really miss rum, its my power drink, if you can have a power animal i figure you can have a power drink. There was even this special dance stand, yeah i went up i danced my heart out up there. i felt like a glorified chip and dale's dancer, minus the whole no shirt thing, but either or. i was getting looks, i considered them 'good' looks because neither buckets nor bottles were thrown in their wake.

The night took a quick turn for the worse, i ended up feeling sick and was forced to retreat to an alley near the bar. I spent a while out there, i was seriously contemplating ditching my own birthday party. When i returned to the bar, i returned to chaos. One of the girls' jacket and purse was missing. Really messed up. The purse and jacket were never found. The night of celebration quickly became a night of terror!.. haha.. okay it wasn't halloween, but i felt sick, like a piece of shit, and sparta was out a purse full of belongings and her jacket.

it really led me to the reason i'm posting this. The following day, my actual birthday. I spent most of my day alone, i went for pizza with tex. But my overwhelming thought was that i'll be 25 all year. Although i was quite pissed that my night seemed to be stolen from me, similar to the purse and jacked that grew legs and walked away. But one day is simply that, i'll be 25 all year, and i will be spending most of that year in korea. I have the ability to make anything big myself, i don't need the den of theives to make my night/day. perhaps 25 is my year of philosophy.. wait.. who am i kidding...

return if seal is broken..

When the preschool kids show up for their first day at SLP their parents have to supply the school with a spare change of clothes. This is for numerous reasons, what if the kid gets dirty? or, well, who am i kidding. The change of clothes is in case of 'accidents', either the kid shits or pisses himself. The morning teachers do not change the kids, the kids are ferried off to the kitchen teachers who have mastered the art of poop and pee cleanup. I think this is a smart concept, although i don't think i was ever sent to daycare with an extra change of clothes. This would kind of be interesting to know (mom & dad), perhaps a cultural difference? If i'm aware there is a change of clothes would i be more or less likely to defile myself??.. since i was not aware, i am going to safely assume i was an angel*

The trains in Seoul run on very interesting schedules. They are open longer during the week than they are during the weekend. Its an interesting debate, although not one i overly care about. I more or less want to get home at a respectable hour during the week without dishing out money for a cab. Tuesday nights are wing night in korea, well at Rocky Mountain Tavern (the Canadian Bar).. i can leave work at 9, be in Itaewan by 9.40.. if i want to make it home on the train i have to leave within two hours. (11.40 for those of you who have difficulties or, don't want to add). 11.50 is pretty much the last train home for me, i miss it, i'm cabbing it..

Last tuesday my schedule basically looked like that. i popped into Itaewan for a quick in and out, wings and beer. Well everything was fine until the train station on the way back. (this is where i start to link my two thoughts!). As we are all standing on the train platform i start to have this urge to pee. I figure at this point i can handle it, its nothing. I did however debate whether or not i could quickly go and make the last train. I decided against it. Well trains aren't the smoothest form of transport, you hit every light, you don't miss stations. there is no quick sneaky route home to avoid the usual traffic congestion. About 20 minutes into the trip home i was totally uncomfortable. Things were not looking good, i started to get cramps, yes physical pain started to manifest. This started to occur at the halfway point, i was still nowhere near home.

By the time i'd reached 30 minutes, i was extremely uncomfortable, at this point i had let it slip to my coworkers that i was struggling. The quick stops and starts of the train felt like tiny kidney shots. I didn't even want to do the pee dance, that would have opened the floodgates. i was trying to focus, pull some jedi mind tricks or something. About 4 stops from Gusan i couldn't handle it anymore. I was done, i was about 7 minutes from home, SO close. I couldn't do it.. i hastily said my goodbyes to my coworkers, and bolted off the train. Okay i did not bolt, that sudden of a movement would have caused me to require a spare set of clothes. I can simply describe my walk with a childhood game.. Remember that game where you walked with an egg on a spoon. the whole point NOT to tip the egg off the spoon.. think of that kind of concentration mixed with a penguin shuffle. That about sums up my abilities at the time..

i finally made it to the bathroom.. they are quite easily marked in the subway stations. The signs even have distances to the bathroom, 50m, 20m, and so on. This is both a good and bad thing, because when you know the bathroom is close, your body relaxes a tiny bit (and that tiny bit is usually the straw that breaks the camel's back). I've always come the closest to shitting my pants in my own house cause i know how close the toilet is. Because i had nothing better to do, i timed my piss.. i peed for over a minute straight. i'm talking full stream, for over a minute.. thats seriously fucked up, i didn't know i could hold that amount of liquid.. i am not a camel...

I ended up taking a cab the rest of the way home.. i felt like it was some sort of walk of shame... i mean i had to get something out of my system.. i was returning to my apartment with a sheepish grin on my face.. actually in that regards it wouldn't be a walk of shame.. it would be a victory lap.. complete with the 'yeah i did it' swagger..

Everyone knows that when you break the seal you're fucked.. you will pee every half hour for the rest of the night.. my problem is that peed when i got off the airplane two months ago... i just wonder who will carry my spare set of clothes for me the day i don't make it.. i'd kind of be afriad if a kitchen teacher shows up at that moment..

sean cooks baby's...

When i was given the task to create my first ever full sentence in korean, i made the best of the oppertunity. I learned a list of nouns and verbs, i also learned the framework to create the sentence. Most of the people in the class created normal sentences.. and i wanted to create an interesting one.. i created 'seanin ahgeelul yourihamneda' (well that's it phonetically cause i can't type out korean).. haha.. the korean teachers gasped as i said it.. the other waygook's in the class looked at me blankly, i asked if it meant 'sean cooks babies'.. there was a couple seconds of silence before some people laughed.. i laughed the whole time.. i was curious if the sentence worked and made sense.. apparently it did... i did make sure i told my teachers that i don't actually eat/cook babies.. it was simply curiosity.. i swear i will not go ed gein on people.. i also didn't learn korean for 'bunny' or 'bilby' 'sean eats bilbies'.. would make more sense... (and a fitting intro to the next line of thought, or paragraph...)

This country doesn't really celebrate easter.. That fact alone does not really bother me, i miss the chocolate.. a couple teachers at work have had care packages sent to them filled with chocolate, and well other things.. one teacher had fuzzy bunny ears sent to them... i couldn't help but shake my head at him when i saw them.. it looks like something right out of adult source.. i'm fairly sure strip clubs had the same ones dancing around their stages this weekend.... which is just creepy, a mom sent this??. ANYWHO.. chocolate!! more specifically mini eggs.. thats what i crave this time of year.. especially the dark chocolate ones.. or the ones with pop rocks in them..mmmm.. drool..

speaking of drool.. This has been the most laid back week i've experienced so far in this country.. i've never spent so much time in my apartment.. i am trying to establish that as a good thing..although i did wake up passed out on my computer one night.. that is the connection to drool.. my first weeks here flew by, in fact i barely feel that i have been here 7 weeks... i think that may be in part because of the amount of i've alchohol consumed.. i really like the statement time flies when you are having fun.. i've made an amendment to it.. time flies when you are blackoutkorea.com HAHA... its a glimpse into life in korea... ANYWHO.. i have now lived in seoul longer than any other city outside of north america. Yet i feel i spent longer in KL, not really germany.. germany was a flash in the pan..... i think its strange about KL though. i feel that i know KL more than i do this city.. crazy??

i need to explore more...