April 15, 2010

return if seal is broken..

When the preschool kids show up for their first day at SLP their parents have to supply the school with a spare change of clothes. This is for numerous reasons, what if the kid gets dirty? or, well, who am i kidding. The change of clothes is in case of 'accidents', either the kid shits or pisses himself. The morning teachers do not change the kids, the kids are ferried off to the kitchen teachers who have mastered the art of poop and pee cleanup. I think this is a smart concept, although i don't think i was ever sent to daycare with an extra change of clothes. This would kind of be interesting to know (mom & dad), perhaps a cultural difference? If i'm aware there is a change of clothes would i be more or less likely to defile myself??.. since i was not aware, i am going to safely assume i was an angel*

The trains in Seoul run on very interesting schedules. They are open longer during the week than they are during the weekend. Its an interesting debate, although not one i overly care about. I more or less want to get home at a respectable hour during the week without dishing out money for a cab. Tuesday nights are wing night in korea, well at Rocky Mountain Tavern (the Canadian Bar).. i can leave work at 9, be in Itaewan by 9.40.. if i want to make it home on the train i have to leave within two hours. (11.40 for those of you who have difficulties or, don't want to add). 11.50 is pretty much the last train home for me, i miss it, i'm cabbing it..

Last tuesday my schedule basically looked like that. i popped into Itaewan for a quick in and out, wings and beer. Well everything was fine until the train station on the way back. (this is where i start to link my two thoughts!). As we are all standing on the train platform i start to have this urge to pee. I figure at this point i can handle it, its nothing. I did however debate whether or not i could quickly go and make the last train. I decided against it. Well trains aren't the smoothest form of transport, you hit every light, you don't miss stations. there is no quick sneaky route home to avoid the usual traffic congestion. About 20 minutes into the trip home i was totally uncomfortable. Things were not looking good, i started to get cramps, yes physical pain started to manifest. This started to occur at the halfway point, i was still nowhere near home.

By the time i'd reached 30 minutes, i was extremely uncomfortable, at this point i had let it slip to my coworkers that i was struggling. The quick stops and starts of the train felt like tiny kidney shots. I didn't even want to do the pee dance, that would have opened the floodgates. i was trying to focus, pull some jedi mind tricks or something. About 4 stops from Gusan i couldn't handle it anymore. I was done, i was about 7 minutes from home, SO close. I couldn't do it.. i hastily said my goodbyes to my coworkers, and bolted off the train. Okay i did not bolt, that sudden of a movement would have caused me to require a spare set of clothes. I can simply describe my walk with a childhood game.. Remember that game where you walked with an egg on a spoon. the whole point NOT to tip the egg off the spoon.. think of that kind of concentration mixed with a penguin shuffle. That about sums up my abilities at the time..

i finally made it to the bathroom.. they are quite easily marked in the subway stations. The signs even have distances to the bathroom, 50m, 20m, and so on. This is both a good and bad thing, because when you know the bathroom is close, your body relaxes a tiny bit (and that tiny bit is usually the straw that breaks the camel's back). I've always come the closest to shitting my pants in my own house cause i know how close the toilet is. Because i had nothing better to do, i timed my piss.. i peed for over a minute straight. i'm talking full stream, for over a minute.. thats seriously fucked up, i didn't know i could hold that amount of liquid.. i am not a camel...

I ended up taking a cab the rest of the way home.. i felt like it was some sort of walk of shame... i mean i had to get something out of my system.. i was returning to my apartment with a sheepish grin on my face.. actually in that regards it wouldn't be a walk of shame.. it would be a victory lap.. complete with the 'yeah i did it' swagger..

Everyone knows that when you break the seal you're fucked.. you will pee every half hour for the rest of the night.. my problem is that peed when i got off the airplane two months ago... i just wonder who will carry my spare set of clothes for me the day i don't make it.. i'd kind of be afriad if a kitchen teacher shows up at that moment..

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