Showing posts with label Emo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Emo. Show all posts
September 13, 2011
addicted...
I actually came up with a conclusion for this post before I even started my usual writing process, so instead I'll lead with it! It is the culmination of a couple unrelated events (some unexplainable, others I will attempt to explain), and my thoughts behind each. My basic conclusion is that this city is the best place for me at this point in my life. It's a metropolis, a mega city, rivaled by few, and surpassed by others only because of (western) history. How did I come to this conclusion, I'll attempt to explain.
For starters I welcomed my parents to Korea this week. An experience I didn't believe would happen when I first left Canada a year and a half ago. Not that my parents aren't adventurous, my father has lived all over the world, and my mother moved to Canada, and then across the country. I suppose for those reasons I shouldn't be too shocked, but Korea is a lot different than the travels they have been on before. I realize, and understand that I was enough to draw them out here, but it partially made me questions my motives. I am a product of my parents (obviously!), but Korea wasn't a place high on their list, or many people's for that matter. Although after my parents stated to friends that they were coming out, they found that everyone seemed to have known a friend of a friend who once taught here.
I have previously mentioned some of the benefits, and reasons for me to stay in Korea. Hell, you can read my short bio and start to understand. Yet, those alone only address my financial, and rational reasons to be here. They don't represent emotional reasons that dissuade many from attempting adventures like this in the first place. I remain confused and wonder, why I feel so comfortable being away from my friends and family for this greatly extended period of time.
Keeping in touch hasn't been much of an issue. For that I can thank modern technology, email, and most importantly Skype, have allowed me to explore the world and still connect with the ones I love easily. None the less, while technology seems to have lessened the physical distance, a distance has remained. That distance is actually a reason I started writing. To inform people what the deal was, what was happening, and what it was like in Korea. These brief internet fueled encounters with the North American continent seem to be enough for me.
I can't really explain why I am missing more of a drive, but I've come to accept that I don't require it. Even without a more present support network, I've been able to establish myself here. I have created an identity that I'm comfortable with. Importantly I feel that the identity is true to myself. I'm not running from anything in my life, and I'm not using my new existence to attempt to gain something I feel that I lost, or felt robbed of. For whatever reason as well, I feel accepted here, perhaps more than I did in N/A. This is a place where my travel feels insignificant at times, and I'm afforded the opportunity to meet people whose life dwarfs my own.
I am a twenty something (attempt to generalize) single person, with access to a city that can offer whatever I want. I benefit from being able to do rather well on very little, you can also insert any advantage that living in a city has: public transport, 24/7 access to bars and restaurants, the ability to get lost in a crowd of people, even at 4 in the morning. For me all these traits revolve around the simple concept that I can have my cake and eat it too! This is a feeling that I haven't been able to attach to any city I've previously lived in. The option, and ability to do anything anytime, is one that's hard to give up, I'm hooked, I'm addicted.
I had a chat with a co-worker about this exact theme the other day and a couple interesting things arose from the conversation. While we both agreed that Seoul was a great place to be for the time being, but our life situations were quickly differing. For he is in his early thirties, in a stable relationship, and his mind is starting to wander into child territory. We talked, and somewhat agreed that while Seoul is an amazing place, it would be a difficult place to raise a child. It was at this moment that we both said Canada.
My (second) conclusion may come a shock to some, and for others only a matter of time. I can't see myself returning to N/A at any point in the near future. Except for the solitary role as tourist. I have become spoiled, and live, love and thrive in my new way of life. I'm sorry Calgary, I'm sorry Canada, you are both great places, but until I'm ready to accept a North American life, I'm not going to push the issue and leave what I've graciously become accustomed to.
Labels:
Emo
July 07, 2010
the squeeky whale..gets the update..
I’ve frequently been asked how I’m doing lately. Well I guess this could be considered a broad stroked answer. Or at the very least, how I feel after 5 months. I have successfully spent more time in Korea than I have any other place outside of Canada. I think that’s a pretty large achievement. Well perhaps not an achievement as I’m under contract and I have to be here. BUT it’s something, rather than nothing, and I’m proud of it.
My previous treks away from Canada never breached the two month mark. My first two months in Korea breezed by, I don’t actually remember them to be honest. They have almost entirely faded away through the alcoholic fog I found myself entwined in. I had several friends comment about my excess, I had several worried. I lived unaccustomed to myself; I lived well beyond my means. Even though this country is cheap, I’m hardly a millionaire; I couldn’t keep it up, financially or physically.
I find the shift in my views has created several other shifts in my Korean experience. The group dynamics in Korea are unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. While they are not truly alien to me, I’ve dealt with them twice before and I’ve been able to learn from both situations and both entirely different outcomes. Despite that experience I can’t help but feel that I’ve become ostracized for decisions I’ve made. I don’t feel that I’ve done anything wrong, and would gladly repeat my actions. It still doesn’t feel right, because I’ve actually finally been able to level myself off, and remove the dynamic shifts I experienced during my first months. Yet there are three sides to every story, and people only know what you reveal about yourself. I find I’ve learned to appreciate why I was lucky to find friends for life in Malaysia, and in the same breath I’ve realized why it was best I traveled solo around Europe.
To answer the original question, I am fine, I am good, I am happy. This was the best decision I’ve ever made, and my third trip of a lifetime. I hope to make the best of my remaining time, and will try not worry to about the fragile individuals along the way. I will continue to find my place here and I will continue to write about it. I’ll be 25 all year, and I’ll spend it all here.
My previous treks away from Canada never breached the two month mark. My first two months in Korea breezed by, I don’t actually remember them to be honest. They have almost entirely faded away through the alcoholic fog I found myself entwined in. I had several friends comment about my excess, I had several worried. I lived unaccustomed to myself; I lived well beyond my means. Even though this country is cheap, I’m hardly a millionaire; I couldn’t keep it up, financially or physically.
I find the shift in my views has created several other shifts in my Korean experience. The group dynamics in Korea are unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. While they are not truly alien to me, I’ve dealt with them twice before and I’ve been able to learn from both situations and both entirely different outcomes. Despite that experience I can’t help but feel that I’ve become ostracized for decisions I’ve made. I don’t feel that I’ve done anything wrong, and would gladly repeat my actions. It still doesn’t feel right, because I’ve actually finally been able to level myself off, and remove the dynamic shifts I experienced during my first months. Yet there are three sides to every story, and people only know what you reveal about yourself. I find I’ve learned to appreciate why I was lucky to find friends for life in Malaysia, and in the same breath I’ve realized why it was best I traveled solo around Europe.
To answer the original question, I am fine, I am good, I am happy. This was the best decision I’ve ever made, and my third trip of a lifetime. I hope to make the best of my remaining time, and will try not worry to about the fragile individuals along the way. I will continue to find my place here and I will continue to write about it. I’ll be 25 all year, and I’ll spend it all here.
Labels:
Emo
February 27, 2010
A Life on Pause
SO.. i really wonder how many people actually realize i'm gone.. now that i'm two weeks in... i mean i have gone without seeing some people for years (rightly or wrongly).. for others two weeks could be a very long time.. well let me tell you this.. 14 days...... i could really count down the hours and minutes if ya wanted.. but i think that would be a bit much.. i am trying to make a point.. alas NOT that one.. although i am a good timekeeper!!.. anywho..
tomorrow my adventure really begins.. i get to spread my wings in my new abode.. i finally get to crash in a room i can call my own.. the 'happy' tissues beside the bed will be mine.. i will have put them there.. and not accidently realized their true purpose... in the two weeks i've been here i've already scarred myself (quite literally).. i've already realized my own trip's importance and mortality..finally i've said honest goodbyes.. i think two weeks in i can honestly say i'm curious as to what's next..
a friend here told me that "korea is the place for procrastinators.. it's the place you go to delay your life from starting..".. my life on pause...i like that... but take that with a grain of salt i suppose.. it is not something for everyone.. it is not something i would suggest for some.. my best friend is getting married, and that drive forward in his life is more than admirable.. that same friend was also the only person to honestly come forward and speak out against my trip.. and i respect him more than most for that..
I am grateful for the opportunities i have had.. i had a couple moments where things didn't look good.. and here i sit.. in a 'love' motel in korea.. on the eve before i move to my new place... and for the first time i hear people fucking above me...
to my friend whom i've known for two weeks.. well less than.. like one week... anywho.. you're leaving..and i hope you get your wolf... because one day i want to read an article about a brit who attempted to trap a wolf as a pet.. please put that into the stack of shit i can never say again...
tomorrow my adventure really begins.. i get to spread my wings in my new abode.. i finally get to crash in a room i can call my own.. the 'happy' tissues beside the bed will be mine.. i will have put them there.. and not accidently realized their true purpose... in the two weeks i've been here i've already scarred myself (quite literally).. i've already realized my own trip's importance and mortality..finally i've said honest goodbyes.. i think two weeks in i can honestly say i'm curious as to what's next..
a friend here told me that "korea is the place for procrastinators.. it's the place you go to delay your life from starting..".. my life on pause...i like that... but take that with a grain of salt i suppose.. it is not something for everyone.. it is not something i would suggest for some.. my best friend is getting married, and that drive forward in his life is more than admirable.. that same friend was also the only person to honestly come forward and speak out against my trip.. and i respect him more than most for that..
I am grateful for the opportunities i have had.. i had a couple moments where things didn't look good.. and here i sit.. in a 'love' motel in korea.. on the eve before i move to my new place... and for the first time i hear people fucking above me...
to my friend whom i've known for two weeks.. well less than.. like one week... anywho.. you're leaving..and i hope you get your wolf... because one day i want to read an article about a brit who attempted to trap a wolf as a pet.. please put that into the stack of shit i can never say again...
On a Train?
February 25
I can't wait to start teaching.. i can't wait to find out if i have what it takes, if the spark for teaching really exists.. i've lived around the aura of teaching for so long... i can't wait to move out of the 'love' motel, i'm tired of wading through my ocean clothes in an attempt to find something clean.. i'm tired of this tiny cell.. Within the next week both will be realized, but in order for that to happen i lose things i've grown to like.. some people i like are done teaching , making room for me to jump in, just like their vacated apartments..Next week is a brand new start.. the reboot of my rebooted existence.. this is all very similar to the feeling i got when i sped from city to city in europe..
This week has been a sad one on very many levels.. Alex-gate shines overhead like the stars in the milky way, seemingly creating a haze of static.. i never felt that my mortality on this continent would become so evident so early.. i say this on many levels.. Alex has her role to play in that, however watching others prepare to leave strikes a heavier cord.. my hopes and aspirations seem distant and insignificant. i've come to a conclusion though, one that i have found solace in.. don't say goodbye unless you actually wish to see them again..
I can't wait to start teaching.. i can't wait to find out if i have what it takes, if the spark for teaching really exists.. i've lived around the aura of teaching for so long... i can't wait to move out of the 'love' motel, i'm tired of wading through my ocean clothes in an attempt to find something clean.. i'm tired of this tiny cell.. Within the next week both will be realized, but in order for that to happen i lose things i've grown to like.. some people i like are done teaching , making room for me to jump in, just like their vacated apartments..Next week is a brand new start.. the reboot of my rebooted existence.. this is all very similar to the feeling i got when i sped from city to city in europe..
This week has been a sad one on very many levels.. Alex-gate shines overhead like the stars in the milky way, seemingly creating a haze of static.. i never felt that my mortality on this continent would become so evident so early.. i say this on many levels.. Alex has her role to play in that, however watching others prepare to leave strikes a heavier cord.. my hopes and aspirations seem distant and insignificant. i've come to a conclusion though, one that i have found solace in.. don't say goodbye unless you actually wish to see them again..
A Lesson Learned
February 22 (Part 2)
This is a very strange country, i swear there is no crime. Basically every corner store has chips and fruit lining the street in front, and i have yet to see a person watching this product. I have also walked past several speakers with IPod's just laying around them.. completely unguarded.. Cell phone stores have their demo phones sitting in the streets.. I find this really strange. i mean i had to hide the change in my jeep for fear of people smashing the window to get in. Yet here they leave valuable's just.. well just out there..
let's take a second to flash back to the staff part on friday night. Alex and Cate are two girls who came out from ontario (They were the girls that i partied with my first two nights in this country, and with whom i'd visited my first noreabang).. The Director of SLP had put bottles of Jack Daniels, Tequilla, and Vodka on the table at the bar we went to.. Alex took full advantage of the offering, as did we all!!.. although Alex probably more than most couldn't stop gorging.. she was loser drunk early in the night.. Kate had to take her home sometime around midnight..
Well apparently, Alex decided to take advantage of the food hanging out and about in front of a store.. The rumour mill pegs it that she took a bag of chips.. although it doesn't really matter what it was. because Alex decided to test the 'no crime' mentality and well.. the koreans put the food out front of their stores, along with CCTV cameras.. so much for 'no crime' in korea! The store owner caught Alex on camera taking the chips (a purchase around $1)...
Some other information...There aren't that many hogwan schools around this area... that is code for ' NOT MANY WHITIES '...so we are easy to track down.. and the store owner took the film to the director of the school, she confirmed it was Alex... she showed the film to Alex, and promptly fired her on the spot.. Had Alex taken the chips in any other community.. itaewon for example (see previous post about itaewan if you're confused)... this would not be the end result. it would just be a stupid drunk action...
This occurred about two hours after we returned from our health check..Right about the time i was starting to feel good again.. i couldn't believe the news.. seriously.. ALL that planning.. ALL those months of work. GONE.. over a bag of chips.. i sat in my tiny desk, in my tiny chair with this huge cloud looming over.. i couldn't believe it.. i silently wished my hangover back.. in fact i would have given anything to have gone back to sunday non-funday.. it felt like a changing moment, it didn't directly involve me, i barely knew this girl. yet i had ban privy to the stories of hope and excitement those first nights... it leaves me terrified about the results of my health check...for the rest of the day i was left with an uneasy feeling.. i tried to go out that night but ended up getting lost, frustrated i returned to the 'love' motel and slept..
This is a very strange country, i swear there is no crime. Basically every corner store has chips and fruit lining the street in front, and i have yet to see a person watching this product. I have also walked past several speakers with IPod's just laying around them.. completely unguarded.. Cell phone stores have their demo phones sitting in the streets.. I find this really strange. i mean i had to hide the change in my jeep for fear of people smashing the window to get in. Yet here they leave valuable's just.. well just out there..
let's take a second to flash back to the staff part on friday night. Alex and Cate are two girls who came out from ontario (They were the girls that i partied with my first two nights in this country, and with whom i'd visited my first noreabang).. The Director of SLP had put bottles of Jack Daniels, Tequilla, and Vodka on the table at the bar we went to.. Alex took full advantage of the offering, as did we all!!.. although Alex probably more than most couldn't stop gorging.. she was loser drunk early in the night.. Kate had to take her home sometime around midnight..
Well apparently, Alex decided to take advantage of the food hanging out and about in front of a store.. The rumour mill pegs it that she took a bag of chips.. although it doesn't really matter what it was. because Alex decided to test the 'no crime' mentality and well.. the koreans put the food out front of their stores, along with CCTV cameras.. so much for 'no crime' in korea! The store owner caught Alex on camera taking the chips (a purchase around $1)...
Some other information...There aren't that many hogwan schools around this area... that is code for ' NOT MANY WHITIES '...so we are easy to track down.. and the store owner took the film to the director of the school, she confirmed it was Alex... she showed the film to Alex, and promptly fired her on the spot.. Had Alex taken the chips in any other community.. itaewon for example (see previous post about itaewan if you're confused)... this would not be the end result. it would just be a stupid drunk action...
This occurred about two hours after we returned from our health check..Right about the time i was starting to feel good again.. i couldn't believe the news.. seriously.. ALL that planning.. ALL those months of work. GONE.. over a bag of chips.. i sat in my tiny desk, in my tiny chair with this huge cloud looming over.. i couldn't believe it.. i silently wished my hangover back.. in fact i would have given anything to have gone back to sunday non-funday.. it felt like a changing moment, it didn't directly involve me, i barely knew this girl. yet i had ban privy to the stories of hope and excitement those first nights... it leaves me terrified about the results of my health check...for the rest of the day i was left with an uneasy feeling.. i tried to go out that night but ended up getting lost, frustrated i returned to the 'love' motel and slept..
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