December 28, 2010

under pressure...

At 11.30pm I sprung awake, my eyes were wide. It was like I struck up an AMAZING idea. so I shall describe my look as Newtonesque, because I imagine he was kind of shocked when he got hit in the head. anywho. Staring into my bleak apartment I felt relief for the first time in hours. the pressure in my ear was releasing. I was praising my decongestant and the capful of phantom medicine (that later turned out to be a health drink) I had taken. Although how many of us can say that we have had one of those 'aha' moments? I'm fairly sure comparing my moment to Newton's cheapens one of the greatest 'aha' moments of all time. Besides my moment was not really an 'aha' moment. It was more of an 'ohhhh yeah' moment.

The build up was completely backwards, instead of silence before the storm (or silence before being smacked in the noodle with a russet (type of apple) ), it was like being hit with an exponentially growing number of russets, and then being whacked by a single granny smith, then encountering silence. The discomfort in my ear was continuously getting worse. My ear was fine when I started work on Christmas eve, only 9 hours previous. I was even fine heading into my first blocks of classes. It was my 6.40 class where things started to go badly. My hearing became extremely sensitive, my ear was throbbing in tune with my heartbeat. Any loud noises, either from the classroom, or any noise from me would exacerbate the pain. I spent most of the class hunched over my desk with my kids worried about me. I received one Christmas card advising me to get healthy over the Christmas break.

I didn't fare much better my next class. I knew at this point that there was something really wrong. Yet I stuck through it, I don't really know why. I'm not trying to milk people for sympathy, or come off as some sort of beaten down ESL hero. I simply didn't want to have to ask my bosses to go home early, because I didn't want to go through the hassle of getting a doctor's note on Christmas eve (you know they would have asked for one).

The agonizing thought of having to teach another class was relieved when students didn't show up. I was thankful because I'd lost the ability to properly function. I ended up sitting in the classroom with a toque and hoodie over my head staring at the floor. It was the quietest, most peaceful place I could be in the school. I didn't want to be a scrooge towards my coworkers, but being around cheerful holiday banter was quite literally painful.

That pretty much brings me right back around to where I started, 11:30pm. At first I was quite lost in the pleasure of the moment, the hours of agony were over. I mistakenly thought the decongestant had worked and loosened my ear valve thingy, I was wrong. During my eargasm there was a clear ooze flowing out of my ear, down my neck.

The feeling was amazing, it was euphoric, peaceful. It was gratification at an unexpected moment. What I did not know is that this was not the kind of gratification I was seeking. Instead of my the pressure being released internally, I blew a casket.

I woke up expecting to feel great after my eargasm. I didn't work out that way. I awoke the next morning with waxy goo covering my pillow, neck and t-Shirt. The liquid was clear, my ear was ringing , and I couldn't really hear much on my left side. I had dun gone and busted my ear drum.

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